The past few days I've been trying to understand the feelings inside me... I think I've finally been able to define them.... it is a sense of emotional and physical disconnect.....
From what? You might ask. I believe it to be a "what" and "whom"....
In today's world we move so fast... constantly working... not taking the time to slow down and appreciate that which is around us. We get so used to being in constant motion that when we do finally slow down, have a "moment to ourselves"... that's exactly what it is... a moment... with ourselves. Alone.
My various jobs have become my social life. Now with the ski season over... my winter family flies south... Those whom I love or care for dearly live at great distance... my day starts so early there is no one that would welcome a call at that hour just to say, "good morning".... and by the time I get home.... I need to sleep.
So yes... there is this feeling of disconnect.... physically.... no one close to kiss or caress... to touch or be touched by..... and I'm not speaking sexually..... just in general. And emotionally.... there is a disconnect from the world as well. Perhaps as a means of survival.
When I do slow down I head out into the woods or in search of some blackwater upon which to set my kayak.... it's out there that I rejuvenate and reconnect with the natural world. It brings peace to my heart.... but it just doesn't seem to be enough lately.
"The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" I have amazing dreams (goals, desires) that have and do require much sacrifice.... I just want to live them some day instead of die trying to get there.... thus the sense of disconnect.
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7 comments:
Ooooh. I soooooooo understand this post. One of the things I love about photography is that it has shown me how to slow down and see the beauty all around us. I enjoy getting outdoors and enjoying nature. I live in an area that I am able to do this most days. I really does get old doing it alone though.
I understand what you say about odd hours. Mine are as odd as they get it seems. One of the things I so enjoyed doing in my last relationship was call her voice mail at work at 2am to simply say "good morning good looking I hope you are off to a good start to the day" I miss that. It was nice to wake up to the voice mail I got as well. Lets face it the kissing is pretty darn good too! Holding hands. Eyes.
Hang in there hun. I swear it will come from the least expected place and time and when it does it will sweep you off of your feet.
Love your blog!!
What a pleasant surprise... Thank you for "connecting" with me tonight.... I suppose this is why so many have turned towards the virtual world... the need to feel some sort of connection to other human beings.
There is one particular place that I absolutely love to go when I need to rejuvenate... it's called the Collumcile... it's a Megalith Park... so peaceful, so tranquil.. I just may have to take my camera for a visit so that I can share it with you.
There were many thoughts I wanted to share with you last night in response to your last post... but in such a public fashion it just doesn't seem right... just let me say that I understand your place in life right now... this past year has been one of challenge for me as well.
I write for me... as a way of processing different emotions and experiences... I'm glad you enjoy reading me.
~A kiss is not a kiss without the heart~*
DF
Oh I'll be back here for sure:-} The cyberworld is no substitute for a real life connection but it is so good to know that someone else understands and thinks about you and like you.
Nite nite
Sweet dreams.........
Good morning good lookin!! :-} Have a wonderful day! I have made it to my destination safe and sound!
Glad to hear you are safe TD... thanks for the sweet sentiments....
No hun thank you.......
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