I miss him.
I. Miss. Him.
I, miss him.
I miss, him.
Him, I miss.
I.....miss.....him.....
Miss him? Aye.
I miss......him...
I MISS him.
I miss HIM.
I MISS HIM!!!
Doesn't matter how you say it.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
One Hundred Twenty Pounds.....
September 19, 2004 my grandmother passed away. We called her Mam-mam. At 89 she had two children, five grandchildren and eleven great-grandchildren.
When my brothers and I were little we would run up the hill through the corn field to her house. All five grandchildren would sleep over, laying in a row on the floor. She would make us root beer floats, sock monkeys, clothes, afghans, apricot jam and Hungarian goulash! She would bring us shells and presents from the beach and sometimes even take us with her....all five of us!!! Or sometimes just the boys and sometimes just the girls.
And when the great grand children arrived, she'd do it all again for them....well, except not the making of clothes and one day (much to our dismay) she got tired of apricots so she cut down the tree! It was a BIG tree!!!
She was a feisty woman! Always carried her own doggie bag, especially to buffets, and was known as the Queen of Returns as she would use things for months, decide she didn't care for them and insist that the stores give her all of her money back!!! They always did! She was also quite the gambler heading to Alantic City, saved quarters in hand, and always come back a winner!!! She had natural luck. You'd walk outside with her and she would almost always find a four-leaf clover. She would wrap them in cellophane and press them in her Bible. Her Bible is full of them!
By the time she passed, my boys were in high school and college. They were very close to her. I find it very befitting that she passed on International Talk Like a Pirate day, so that every year when we say, "Ahoy thar Matie" we can be reminded of her feisty personality.
*******
A few years before she passed we were forced to take her car keys away from her. When we took her to the eye doctor she could no longer see the big E. Yes, the BIG E at the very top of the chart!!!
She didn't take to the new life style having to be driven around very easily. She only finally relented when one of my boys needed a car. We bought hers.
Since she was no longer driving this meant that my mom had to take her to all of her doctor appointments. Near the end she appeared to be losing weight. The doctor agreed. However, Mam-mam did not!! She would argue with the doctor incessantly. She would tell him over and over again how she weighed herself every morning and her scale said, "120 lbs." Each time the doctor would weigh her....each time they argued. She KNEW she weighed 120 lbs!
*******
After she crossed over, cleaning out her house was an emotional task. At times tears welled in our eyes. It was so hard to pack up lifetimes of memories. At other moments we were perplexed as to why she would stock up on sooooo many boxes of garbage bags, plastic bags, tin foil and cling wrap. I was awarded her stash.....over eight years later and I still haven't used them all!!! I'm on my last box of sandwich bags. You know, the old kind....not ziplock bags....the kind that you have to tuck in and fold over!!
And then there was that moment. That moment of shear blissful utterly clear understanding that left us with tears rolling down our cheeks and laughing so hard we could barely stop!!
We were cleaning out her bedroom when I happened upon her scale. Unbeknownst to us, Mam-mam had bought a new scale, the digital kind. I asked my mother how much she always said she weighed. My mother replied, "120 lbs." To which I responded, "Well, she did."
It worked perfectly. Only, she hadn't removed the clear film from the display window! Guess what it read? One Hundred and Twenty Pounds!!
When my brothers and I were little we would run up the hill through the corn field to her house. All five grandchildren would sleep over, laying in a row on the floor. She would make us root beer floats, sock monkeys, clothes, afghans, apricot jam and Hungarian goulash! She would bring us shells and presents from the beach and sometimes even take us with her....all five of us!!! Or sometimes just the boys and sometimes just the girls.
And when the great grand children arrived, she'd do it all again for them....well, except not the making of clothes and one day (much to our dismay) she got tired of apricots so she cut down the tree! It was a BIG tree!!!
She was a feisty woman! Always carried her own doggie bag, especially to buffets, and was known as the Queen of Returns as she would use things for months, decide she didn't care for them and insist that the stores give her all of her money back!!! They always did! She was also quite the gambler heading to Alantic City, saved quarters in hand, and always come back a winner!!! She had natural luck. You'd walk outside with her and she would almost always find a four-leaf clover. She would wrap them in cellophane and press them in her Bible. Her Bible is full of them!
By the time she passed, my boys were in high school and college. They were very close to her. I find it very befitting that she passed on International Talk Like a Pirate day, so that every year when we say, "Ahoy thar Matie" we can be reminded of her feisty personality.
*******
A few years before she passed we were forced to take her car keys away from her. When we took her to the eye doctor she could no longer see the big E. Yes, the BIG E at the very top of the chart!!!
She didn't take to the new life style having to be driven around very easily. She only finally relented when one of my boys needed a car. We bought hers.
Since she was no longer driving this meant that my mom had to take her to all of her doctor appointments. Near the end she appeared to be losing weight. The doctor agreed. However, Mam-mam did not!! She would argue with the doctor incessantly. She would tell him over and over again how she weighed herself every morning and her scale said, "120 lbs." Each time the doctor would weigh her....each time they argued. She KNEW she weighed 120 lbs!
*******
After she crossed over, cleaning out her house was an emotional task. At times tears welled in our eyes. It was so hard to pack up lifetimes of memories. At other moments we were perplexed as to why she would stock up on sooooo many boxes of garbage bags, plastic bags, tin foil and cling wrap. I was awarded her stash.....over eight years later and I still haven't used them all!!! I'm on my last box of sandwich bags. You know, the old kind....not ziplock bags....the kind that you have to tuck in and fold over!!
And then there was that moment. That moment of shear blissful utterly clear understanding that left us with tears rolling down our cheeks and laughing so hard we could barely stop!!
We were cleaning out her bedroom when I happened upon her scale. Unbeknownst to us, Mam-mam had bought a new scale, the digital kind. I asked my mother how much she always said she weighed. My mother replied, "120 lbs." To which I responded, "Well, she did."
It worked perfectly. Only, she hadn't removed the clear film from the display window! Guess what it read? One Hundred and Twenty Pounds!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
A little appreciation ......came a long way!
Watching the utility crew convoys roll into the area ahead of the storm left one with an ominous feeling in one's heart. It was eerie. Yet, comforting. They left their own homes and states to be ready to help ours.
Once Sandy hit and the days without power began, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with some people's voiced impatience with the electric companies. I challenged people that instead of complaining, if they saw a crew, to buy them a cup of coffee and say, "thank you". They worked 20 hour shifts and must have felt beyond exhausted and discouraged by all the work needing to be completed.
As the hours turned into multiple days, it was looking as though we would not get our power back in time to attend the wedding for which my son came home. The hotel and reception hall had also lost power.....and then right around noon on Friday, on came the power!!! We still had no hot water, but word was that the hotel had gotten their power back as well, and another reception location had been secured!!! We could leave early enough and have out first hot shower in a week!
With the power restored to our street, we would no longer need to tend the generator. And so we went, knowingly heading into an area harder hit, in someways, than our own, keeping fingers crossed that we would be able to find gas once up there.....
As we headed North through New Jersey we came to the Mahwah hotel. It's like a huge glass palace/tower seemingly out in the middle of nowhere!!! I suppose it's proximity to the "city" and "no where" makes it a desirable location for conventions for city people wishing to escape. And so there it was, this monstrous hotel tower .... mirrored exterior reflecting the light and bits of blue sky finally breaking through parting clouds.....and at its base.....hundreds of utility trucks, bumper to bumper who have come to help and were finally getting a bit of rest! I wish I had had time to stop for a photo. (we were on a road ramping up over and around...not a good time to stop or take eyes off the road) It was awe inspiring!!! All those people leaving their families to help us!
It's difficult to describe the depth of gratitude that overcomes you having struggled for what feels like forever with no power, downed trees, and much to be cleaned up. It nearly washes the overwhelmed feelings from your soul to know that you are not alone and people are giving of themselves to help you.
A bit further into the trip we came upon a convoy from Texas heading in our direction. I told my son I wanted to beep for them and give them a thumbs up to let them know we appreciated them. He had been up exceptionally late the night before and was more in the mood to sleep and keep things quiet than to play and be loud....and so we passed in silence.
It bothered me the entire day. I felt as though I had talked the talk, but hadn't walked the walk. I regretted not expressing my appreciation.....and it weighed heavily on my heart.
We arrived at the hotel just in time for a well deserved, non-rushed HOT shower!!! The wedding was delightful and the reception LOTS of fun....even if all thrown together the day before!!! It really was fantastic!!
When we arrived back at the hotel a 16 truck convoy was parked outside, from Texas. I knew exactly what I wanted to do!!! I went up to my room, kicked off my heels and wrote a thank you note for each truck. Barefooted I went back down to the parking lot and climbed each truck to tuck a note under their windshield wipers. Some of those trucks are really big!!! A couple of security guards thought me a bit crazy....or maybe intoxicated....but they don't know me!
I slept rather well that night, content that I had stated my thanks...
Never expecting to actually see the truckers I received a special treat. We were on our way down to breakfast and I glanced out the window. The convoy was pulling out. Apparently one of the gentlemen hadn't noticed the note right away, stopped his truck, retrieved it, read it, smiled and tucked it up into his visor. My son couldn't understand why I had stopped and was looking out the window. I got to be the proverbial fly on the wall....what a gift getting to watch him enjoy his surprise.
After a leisurely breakfast, we packed up and headed out to the car. When we got to the lot two of the trucks were still there, one apparently having some mechanical difficulties.
I told my son to hang on a minute and went over to thank the men in person. They seemed genuinely grateful that I would take the time to say, "thank you." Really? Less than five minutes out of my life to show gratitude for the weeks they may be away from their own families?
Slightly blushing, I admitted that I was the one who put the notes on their trucks. I wanted them to be able to put a face to the gesture...but also secretly wished I had taken more time and written neater....maybe there was a little too much wine in me afterall!!!!
They grinned from ear to ear and told me how it really made their morning coming out to find them!!!! They truly sounded excited. And it made my day that I made their day!
Energy is contagious.... pass on some of the good stuff!
With the power restored to our street, we would no longer need to tend the generator. And so we went, knowingly heading into an area harder hit, in someways, than our own, keeping fingers crossed that we would be able to find gas once up there.....
As we headed North through New Jersey we came to the Mahwah hotel. It's like a huge glass palace/tower seemingly out in the middle of nowhere!!! I suppose it's proximity to the "city" and "no where" makes it a desirable location for conventions for city people wishing to escape. And so there it was, this monstrous hotel tower .... mirrored exterior reflecting the light and bits of blue sky finally breaking through parting clouds.....and at its base.....hundreds of utility trucks, bumper to bumper who have come to help and were finally getting a bit of rest! I wish I had had time to stop for a photo. (we were on a road ramping up over and around...not a good time to stop or take eyes off the road) It was awe inspiring!!! All those people leaving their families to help us!
It's difficult to describe the depth of gratitude that overcomes you having struggled for what feels like forever with no power, downed trees, and much to be cleaned up. It nearly washes the overwhelmed feelings from your soul to know that you are not alone and people are giving of themselves to help you.
A bit further into the trip we came upon a convoy from Texas heading in our direction. I told my son I wanted to beep for them and give them a thumbs up to let them know we appreciated them. He had been up exceptionally late the night before and was more in the mood to sleep and keep things quiet than to play and be loud....and so we passed in silence.
It bothered me the entire day. I felt as though I had talked the talk, but hadn't walked the walk. I regretted not expressing my appreciation.....and it weighed heavily on my heart.
We arrived at the hotel just in time for a well deserved, non-rushed HOT shower!!! The wedding was delightful and the reception LOTS of fun....even if all thrown together the day before!!! It really was fantastic!!
When we arrived back at the hotel a 16 truck convoy was parked outside, from Texas. I knew exactly what I wanted to do!!! I went up to my room, kicked off my heels and wrote a thank you note for each truck. Barefooted I went back down to the parking lot and climbed each truck to tuck a note under their windshield wipers. Some of those trucks are really big!!! A couple of security guards thought me a bit crazy....or maybe intoxicated....but they don't know me!
I slept rather well that night, content that I had stated my thanks...
Never expecting to actually see the truckers I received a special treat. We were on our way down to breakfast and I glanced out the window. The convoy was pulling out. Apparently one of the gentlemen hadn't noticed the note right away, stopped his truck, retrieved it, read it, smiled and tucked it up into his visor. My son couldn't understand why I had stopped and was looking out the window. I got to be the proverbial fly on the wall....what a gift getting to watch him enjoy his surprise.
After a leisurely breakfast, we packed up and headed out to the car. When we got to the lot two of the trucks were still there, one apparently having some mechanical difficulties.
I told my son to hang on a minute and went over to thank the men in person. They seemed genuinely grateful that I would take the time to say, "thank you." Really? Less than five minutes out of my life to show gratitude for the weeks they may be away from their own families?
Slightly blushing, I admitted that I was the one who put the notes on their trucks. I wanted them to be able to put a face to the gesture...but also secretly wished I had taken more time and written neater....maybe there was a little too much wine in me afterall!!!!
They grinned from ear to ear and told me how it really made their morning coming out to find them!!!! They truly sounded excited. And it made my day that I made their day!
Energy is contagious.... pass on some of the good stuff!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Night chills....
My youngest son is home from Colorado visiting. You know when you were a kid and being naughty how your mother would say, "I hope you get a kid just like you some day!!!!" ? Well, he's mine.
I love all my boys dearly, yet you can't help but connect differently with each one. With my baby...we connect more spiritually. We listen to the Earth and believe in things that can't always be scientifically proven, but make them no less real to us.
Stories like this, you just can't make up.
A couple nights before the storm hit, my son and I had gone out for dinner. It was a humid, almost balmy kind of night. With the storm pending the clouds were thick and looming keeping the heat of the day trapped. We actually had to turn the defroster on to clear the windows.
As he was driving us home in the dark the Tim McGraw song Don't Take The Girl came on the radio. Without realizing it we had stopped talking. My thoughts were lost in the words of the song. If you've never heard it, it's a very intense love song.
The last verse ends as follows...
Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
I started to wonder what it would be like to be loved like that, but realized very quickly that I had been. My Daddy loved me like that. I was 14 went he passed.
As thoughts of my Daddy flowed through my mind I got I tense chills that started at the base of my neck and went right down my spine as if someone had poured cold water down my back. Instinctively I reached out to turn off the window defroster as if it were the source of my instant and extreme night chills.
As I touched the knob my son broke the silence and said, "You know, they say you get the chills when a spirit is around."
I turned to him in shock and surprise. I hadn't said I got the chills. I hadn't said anything.
I asked him if he had gotten the chills too. The description of his experience was identical to mine.
I told him I had been thinking about my Dad. He was too!
Although my son has never met my Daddy he has always felt very close to him. Being the adventurous one, we would always tell my son that it was a good thing his guardian angel was related to him or he would have quit a long time ago!!!
I have no doubt my Daddy was with us at that moment and found a way to let us know. In hind sight, perhaps he was in the area getting into position, like the emergency crews, because he knew what was coming our way and wanted to let us know that he was there and we would be okay.
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
I love all my boys dearly, yet you can't help but connect differently with each one. With my baby...we connect more spiritually. We listen to the Earth and believe in things that can't always be scientifically proven, but make them no less real to us.
Stories like this, you just can't make up.
A couple nights before the storm hit, my son and I had gone out for dinner. It was a humid, almost balmy kind of night. With the storm pending the clouds were thick and looming keeping the heat of the day trapped. We actually had to turn the defroster on to clear the windows.
As he was driving us home in the dark the Tim McGraw song Don't Take The Girl came on the radio. Without realizing it we had stopped talking. My thoughts were lost in the words of the song. If you've never heard it, it's a very intense love song.
The last verse ends as follows...
Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
I started to wonder what it would be like to be loved like that, but realized very quickly that I had been. My Daddy loved me like that. I was 14 went he passed.
As thoughts of my Daddy flowed through my mind I got I tense chills that started at the base of my neck and went right down my spine as if someone had poured cold water down my back. Instinctively I reached out to turn off the window defroster as if it were the source of my instant and extreme night chills.
As I touched the knob my son broke the silence and said, "You know, they say you get the chills when a spirit is around."
I turned to him in shock and surprise. I hadn't said I got the chills. I hadn't said anything.
I asked him if he had gotten the chills too. The description of his experience was identical to mine.
I told him I had been thinking about my Dad. He was too!
Although my son has never met my Daddy he has always felt very close to him. Being the adventurous one, we would always tell my son that it was a good thing his guardian angel was related to him or he would have quit a long time ago!!!
I have no doubt my Daddy was with us at that moment and found a way to let us know. In hind sight, perhaps he was in the area getting into position, like the emergency crews, because he knew what was coming our way and wanted to let us know that he was there and we would be okay.
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl
I got to thinking about that level of love and my own Daddy, who passed when I was only 14. He loved me like that.
As I was listening to the song and thinking about him I got a serious chill from the back of my neck right down my spine as if someone had poured cold water on me. Instinctively, I reached out to turn off the window defroster.
My son just looked at me and said, "you know, they say that when spirits are around you get a chill." I hadn't spoken a word! I didn't share my thoughts. I turned to him in shock and asked if he had gotten a chill too. His description of what he experienced was identicle to mine.
I told him that I was thinking about my dad. He shared that he was as well.
Although my son has never met my Daddy, he has always felt very close to him. We have always told my son from the time when he was little that it was a good thing his guardian angel was related to him because he would have quit a long time ago!!! (my son being the adventurous one)
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