Preparing for Disaster...hopeful or just plain stupid?

The sky is dark. There is a truly eerie feeling to the night.  Several convoys of emergency assistance vehicles from out of the area have arrived in preparation to help when needed.  At times there is an unnerving calm broken only by increasingly intense gusts of wind.

The storm is predicted to pass directly over us.

We are told to prepare for 80 mph winds, nonstop rain, flooding, power outages that could last for 7-10 days.

We have been advised to stock up on batteries, bottled water, non-perishable food, fill cars with gas, get propane, firewood, tie down furniture.....

So what did I do?  Well, my freezer was empty....I mean, nothing but ice, empty!  My son is home to visit and requires feeding, several times a day.  So today I decided to do one of my marathon cookings!!!  I made a pork roast and saurkraut in the crock pot, a large pot of Kartouffle soupe (filled 33 containers), roasted sausage, apples and squash, made pesto, grilled chicken thighs and zucchini, and turned 5lbs of ground pork into sweet breakfast patties (mmmmm...white wine, white pepper, sage, garlic.....)

I filled ziplock bags with water and put them in the freezer.  Filled three gallon containers with water and put them in the fridge. And will fill the tub as soon as I finish showering in the morning.

 I made 3 more oil lamps.

And I bought peanut butter....just in case.

So, now my freezer overfloweth!!!  Fabulous, as long as we don't lose power!  If we do....we eat really well for about three days then invite everyone we know over for a feast!!!  After that...it's peanut butter and crackers.

I don't buy processed foods.  My motto is buy local, eat fresh.

But I can't help but wonder if my cookfest was my method of defiance and refusal to think of  anything but beyond the rain and onto the sunshine when it's over!

Or am I just being stupid?

Remembering the morning....

The morning was cool and crisp..  The sun bright and making quick work of burning off the heavy, almost frost-like dew that wasn't protected by the shade....

The cool nights have set the trees in motion of shutting down producing less and less chlorophyll revealing the leaves true colors of red and orange....

The cornfields stand tall, rattling their dry leaves as the breeze runs through the rows like small children playing hide and seek....

And the monarchs have begun their frantic migration southward taking my wishes and dreams on their wings.....

What will tomorrow's sunrise bring?

Validation

Although I hate to  admit it, my self worth comes through the eyes of others.  I know it should come from within....but that only gets me so far.

Throughout my life, when feeling lost and adrift I've been able to cling to at least one aspect in my life where I could garnish enough validation to get me through.

Isn't that all that any of us wants?  A little validation from othere's eyes to let us know that our presence here in this world matters?  That we matter to at least one?  That we are a good friend, mother, lover, teacher, daughter.......?

So what happens when you feel as though you have nothing left which to cling?  When you feel totally alone?  Sure, you can look at the past and point to various accomplishments....I did this....I did that.....in the past I seemed to matter.....

But what about right now? Right in this moment, when the world is dark and there is naught but the sound of crickets, a cool breeze through the window and your thoughts to keep you company?  When you want to sleep to escape the day but can't for fear of waking?

Sometimes the slightest touch or acknowledgment from another can reduce you to an emotional spicket that can't be shut off, so you wander through your day praying, hoping no one will see you, speak to you, touch you....but it's a double edge sword isn't it?  You want, need the validation....but the source truly matters.

There are certain eyes in which we need to be viewed as good enough.....and when they seem to all be looking in another direction....anywhere but at you.....and you've been told or made to feel as though you are mot good enough....you just feel lost.....

Someone, please find me.....for as strong as I am and have had to be over the years....sometimes I need help getting back to shore.