"miss" you.... "miss" me...?

So often throughout my life I've said the words, "I'll miss you" "I missed you" "I miss you". When spoken, I believed them to all be heartfelt sentiments.

Recently, I told someone that "I miss them" and the response was, "really?" as in disbelief or questioning the possibility.

That simple one word response has had me pondering these simple words for days now.... what do they actually mean? What does it mean if someone does not "miss" people?

To me... to "miss" someone means "to have developed such a meaningful connection to someone that when they are not in your presence you think about them often, crave their touch, look forward to your next encounter with them."

This definition relates to a mother's hug, a lover's kiss, or a child's smile....

I believe we miss people in our lives on many levels, and the intensity of those emotions change over time.

I buried my Aunt today, she was 89. My Uncle, who will turn 92 in November, has been married to her for 69 years. He is a very strong man. In all my life I've never seen him cry or show any sign of weakness. Today he appeared fragile, wounded and as I made my way through the greeting line... I saw one lone tear leak from his eye and stay. More precious than a diamond, it spoke volumes.... he will miss her.

I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to wake to the same person for 69 years and to have them suddenly gone. Their marriage wasn't perfect... He was stubborn and at times very mean, she was demanding and difficult in her later years.... but when her health started to fail... he was loving and attentive... and the day after her stroke, when we all thought she would never recover or speak again... I went to visit, he was leaning over her kissing her forehead good-bye telling her that he loved her... and though she could say nothing else... it came out clear as a bell when she said, "I love you too" He went to visit her every day... and when he ended up in the hospital as well, on the same floor he still went to visit her... She complained that he came over to much and she couldn't get enough rest.... *smiles* He will miss her.

What does it mean if someone is foreign to the concept of "missing" someone? Are they emotionally detached? Have they so closed themselves off to the idea of love or being lovable that they do not allow themselves to feel? Do they just not consider themselves "missable"? Are they afraid? Do they consider it a sign of weakness?

When speaking the words, I see it as a sign of strength, courage... allowing one's self to be vulnerable and put themselves out there and own their emotions.

Watching my Aunt slip away these last few months I have paid attention... I have learned that if you care about someone... you need to tell them.... you need to show them.

So often life gets busy and stressful and we take people for granted....we don't take the time.... we kiss them good-bye as though we will see them again in five minutes.... or we don't tell them that we love them because we just assume they know....

Take the opportunities that life presents us and run with them.... make the time... When you haven't seen someone in a while, kiss them the moment they are close enough.... hug them and let them know their mere presence in your life makes you smile.... and when saying good-bye, leave them with the feeling that you can't wait for their return....don't take them for granted.....you never know when that last breath will be taken.


I left the luncheon early today so I could do just that... there was someone I was missing and I wanted to let them know.... I did....and I can hardly wait for their return.