The Awakening...

Sometimes we get so lost in doing what we "have to do" or feel we are "supposed to do" for the sake of our children, careers, parents... that we get into a groove... and before we realize it months, seasons, sometimes years have passed by... and then one day someone takes notice of you or pays attention to you... they may have been in your life for years but for whatever the reason, on one particular day, at one particular moment you lifted your head, slowed down long enough to notice them back... and that is how it begins...

The Awakening.

We didn't plan on it. It doesn't fit into our schedules. Nothing about it is convenient... and yet... The moon takes on a new glow. You notice the wind in the branches and the birds singing in the still of the morning. And you realize that life holds possibilities that you only ever imagined... You find comfort and acceptance in the midst of your chaos... Do you fight to stay awake? Or do you pull the covers back up over your head, hit the snooze alarm and go back to sleep until you planned on getting up?

Dirty girl.....

Somebody was obviously up to no good while Mom was away at work.... this time... Abbey - 0... Bird with a bloody beak - 1 !!!! She's a pure white dog!!! When she's not being naughty!!!! She is so busted!!! :)

Let the Winds Wash Over You....

Yesterday's weather was as near perfect as one can ask for... sunny blue skies, warm... high 60's - low 70's and windy. The winds were more of a breeze and less then gale force... they were mischievous... and I liked them.

I went for a walk through Collumcile. Supporters of the Megalith Park were lovingly tending to the grounds... raking errant leaves, scrubbing the center stone of the chapel and airing out its cushions. There was more sound and movement than I have grown accustom to when I visit.

But it wasn't the sounds of the people that had my attention... it was the sound of the winds playing in the forest... I ascended the hillside near Thor's Gate and was about to continue forward when I heard it coming....like the spirits of children past, running through the leaves, around the trees, playing tag or hide-n-seek and laughing. At first my instincts told me to step out of their way, but on second thought I turned towards the sound, planted my feet, closed my eyes and just waited. The wind washed over, around and through me.... and for those moments I felt so incredibly free and at peace with my heart.... lifted.

Morning Mist

Early in the morning, just as the sun is rising, if the temperatures hit just right the mist rises off the pond. I love this time of the morning. Sometimes there are deer quietly drinking or geese silently gliding across the surface. I tried to capture it, but it is difficult... sometimes the pictures just don't do it justice.... you can't hear the birds, feel the chill on your flesh or experience the muffled sounds of the mist.... but I try to share nonetheless... It was a beautiful morning...

The story of the Apple Tree...

I live on part of my family's homestead. On March 16, 1909 my great-grandfather came to the United States through Ellis Island. He left behind, in Germany his wife and two sons with the promise that when he found work and made a home he would send for them. Apparently, he had no intentions of ever sending for them. Two years later in 1911, having lost one son, my great-grandmother packed up what she could in a large basket, boarded the boat, came here, found his sorry ass, took up the homestead with him and had nine more kids!!! (I come from a feisty bunch for sure)

Not only did she bring with her her son, she also brought a loving heart, the patience of a saint, work ethics beyond reproach, recipes we still use today and this apple tree.

Not my children, myself or my mother can ever recall life without apples from this tree. When my mother was a girl there were no freezers.... so it was simply the fruit of the season. Being that this tree bears fruit only every other year she would have quite the wait to taste it's sweetness. I and my children on the other hand were raised in an era where freezers existed... and every other year during apple season, we pick, we peel, we cook, we grind... and in the end... make enough apple sauce to last us two years time... plus a good number of apple crisps and a few meals of apples and noodles. When we get truly sick... it is the only thing that we can eat which, brings us back to good health. Once my mother had to sneak some of it into the hospital for me as I could keep nothing else down... over night, I was amazingly better and ready to go home.

A few years back (although the tree sits on my property) my great-uncle, the last one of his generation, decided the tree needed to be pruned while I was at work!!! He is 92, no one tells him what he can and cannot do... unfortunately he took branches that I had been so lovingly encouraging to bear fruit.

The tree has now been here for 98 years. It is dying. Insects are boring into it's bark. Squirrels or some creature has made a home in it's heartwood... the scat lies at the base of the tree. The bark is falling off exposing the life giving cambian layer. Large branches have gone lifeless from tent caterpillars, yet I would not dare cut them from the tree lest it leave it so unbalanced it would break from the weight.

My eldest son has tried everything from taking its seeds to grafting branches to trying to generate root growth .... but nothing has worked.

Each fall as the leaves drop to the ground I wonder if it will be the last year for apples.... and each spring I patiently await some sign of life that just perhaps I might be granted one more year of sweetness.

Like the feisty old broad who brought the tree to America, it is pushing forth life, yet again. One only need look up at the branches against the sky to see the small buds pushing out from the tips. In a few short weeks it will be teaming with flowers waiting on the bees to pollinate them. And I will stand ready to pick, peel, cook and grind....

I wonder if Great-Grammy ever imagined that four generations later she would still be nurturing her offspring?

Happy Easter!

Hope is so close...

Now that music is back in my life... some songs touch, inspire, encourage....

I so enjoy Leslie Mills... from The Everlasting Road cd....

"Hope is so close I can taste it....
I'm so tired of fakin' it...
Want to feel, something real, in my life, in my life...
Looking for the meaning of..... true love..."


It's so close... but not yet within my everlasting embrace... Perhaps tonight he'll find me in our dreams and decide he likes it so much he will stay....

I have to hurry and get to sleep now.... before the night ends....

Soulful Sentiments from a Friend....

I find it amazing how online we can generate such meaningful friendships. Personally, I think it because what always seems to be missing from our real life relationships is communication... and online.... that is pretty much all we have.

A gentleman, whom I've never met, has been reading my words for almost a year now. He has come to know me well and I value his friendship. He brought music back into my life with the song "Soulshine" by Gov't Mule. My heart was broken... aching beyond repair at the time... and silence was far more comforting... songs just seemed to bring tears or memories I wasn't ready to entertain.

I recently wrote him to thank him.... and tell him that I appreciated his friendship. He wrote, for me, the following...



"You deserve to be happy and I'm glad I could share a little and inspire a smile or two. I'll be here if you need someone, even if ........

Dragonflies travel where they may and lite where they will. Darting here and there, briefly reflecting the sun in the most unique and beautiful ways. Those who are graced with a glimpse of their allure and can appreciate it are left empty and wanting when they are gone. Longing to be graced with their company if even for an other fleeting moment. Alas they are the fairies of our lives teasing our desires by simply being what they are. Seemingly confused in what direction to fly, fearful of where to lite. If there was to be a regret in being touched so profoundly by such a creature, who's warmth and beauty shines from within, is that my heart won't be able to provide her refuge. Still I hope and believe in fearless love. I will always be here for you, even if ........."



I am so very touched.

We can all use a little Soulshine.....

Get your priorities straight....

Missing my boy today....

Across the street, next to the pond, on the edge of the woods.... wild daffodils grow. Every year, my baby boy would be sure to pick me some and put them in an old, antique bottle we've found and place them on my kitchen counter as a surprise for me.

I happened to notice them coming home from the grocery store yesterday... the bright white and yellow amidst the still brown grasses and trees. So today, I took a walk over to see them up close. They are as much a bright spot in the forest as my boy is in my heart.... I really miss him today.