February 1st, 2013 - My new birthday...

January 31st 2013 there was a full moon....a time to let go.....and a time of renewal.  There will be no planets in our visible sky until February 23rd to wield their influences.  So this is my opportunity, my time to let go and renew.

I've mourned Him and the love we shared for a year now.  If somehow he were able to read my prose I would tell Him that it doesn't need to be this way.  That I miss my best friend.  That n're a day goes by that something I see, hear, smell, touch or taste doesn't remind me of Him.  I would tell Him that it is he alone for which I care...not his house, or truck or bike or boat....but Him and the way he alone made me feel and the life we shared.  I would tell Him that together there is nothing we could not face or handle. We were like sparrows in flight, always in sync with every turn, even in our sleep. And I would admit that I could not promise Him to love him for the rest of his life....but for certain, I will love Him for the rest of mine.

That being said, I have given myself permission to let go and once again rejoice in the beauty that surrounds me.

I've taken off the necklace of hope that hung around my neck and set aside all images left on display.

January sucked.  I have never been so sick for so long.  My doctor required weekly visits of me to check on my health.  A friend of which I was so fond from high school passed and I had to lay to rest my baby girl.  January sucked. Yet, as I laid awake, tears caressing my cheeks on the night of the 31st. I knew the dawn would bring a new day....and so I decided...February 1st 2013 would be my new birthday.

As I drove to work on the 1st the skies were filled with dark blue clouds left over from the nights
rains.  The corn fields were bare nestled up against the mountain range and the winds were fierce.  Yet, the sun was breaking through shining brilliantly in the east.  And there they were...thousands of 
snow geese fighting the winds unable to fly in formation....some hugging the mountain range low in 
the sky, others brilliant white against the dark blue clouds, but all of them glittering and shining as 
the sun reflected off their wings.  I stood outside the school watching, not caring if I was going to be 
late.



 All that adversity that they were up against, and yet they glowed and shimmered and never stopped  trying to fly against the winds.

After work I caught up with my trainer and today walked nearly five miles in seventeen degree weather feeling better than I have in a very long time.

I don't know where my new path will lead me, but I do know that worrying about tomorrow takes the strength out of today.  Today I was strong.

Happy Birthday to Me.