They cough and they sniffle,
They hack and they sneeze,
I do what I can,
I try not to breathe.
But there's slime on their arms,
Slime in their hair,
There's slime on their shirts,
It's EVERYWHERE!!!!!
The moms say, "It's just allergies"
But I beg to differ,
Cus' green stuff is now
Coming out of MY sniffer!!
I cough and I hack,
I sniff and I wheeze,
Sometimes I can't help it,
I let out a big sneeze!
To the doctor I run,
He says, "Go right to bed!
That green slime is sloshing
All 'round in your head!"
I'll write up some plans.
A sub will come in.
I'll sleep through the day,
These germs they won't win!
The next day I'll be up,
I'll be running about.
The kids had better have behaved,
Or I'm liable to SHOUT!!!
Dang Kindergarteners!!!! Too good at sharing already!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
A Gift from Joshua....
When I arrived at work today the Art teacher entered my room right behind me. In hand she had, for me, a gift from Joshua.
Apparently at the end of class yesterday he had a little extra time and asked if he could make something for me....
My gift....
My God, how he melts my heart....
Apparently at the end of class yesterday he had a little extra time and asked if he could make something for me....
My gift....
My God, how he melts my heart....
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Story of Joshua (part three)
After my visit, Joshua's great grandmother and I kept in touch. She asked if I would be willing to testify on Joshua's behalf? Joshua's father intended to file for full custody once the PFA expired.
Of course. I could only testify as to his academic progress and regress, but yes, I could testify. I let her know the dates that I would be out of the country.
And then I didn't hear from her again.....(summer ended, the school year started)....until a week and a half ago.
I received an email. With the PFA expired, Joshua's father had gone up to visit. The children were covered with bruises. He took both of them immediately to the police station where the children finally opened up about all the abuse they had been suffering at the hands of their mother and mother's girlfriend. An emergency PFA was placed on the mother and girlfriend. They are not even allowed to speak to the children. And Joshua's dad was going to be enrolling the kids back in school. Joshua would be in school the next day.
I didn't know if I should cry or jump for joy. I opted for both.
The next morning I was busy with my class. Joshua was now in first grade. All I could think of was how can I get down to his room to see him?
Finally it was lunch time. After dropping off my students I headed straight for his room. His class was about to get ready to go for lunch. He sat roughly eight feet from me. I was looking at his back.
His teacher and I caught eyes. All I was able to get out was, "Excuse me, I hope you don't mind...." without waiting for his teacher's permission he was up and in my arms seeking my reassurance as much as I was seeking his.
With his arms wrapped tightly around my neck he whispered into my ear that he still has the rock I gave him, but it is at his mother's house. I assured him I would get him another one. I whispered into his ear that I love him and glad that he is safe now. He had to get ready for lunch.
Later in the day I was walking my class back from their specials and noticed that his class would be coming in the door right in front of us....we could hurry and pass before they started to come in, or wait until they passed.....I guessed we could wait a little. :)
As his class filed through the door I watched and waited for him to realize I was there. Our eyes met. His smile has not yet returned, but he held my eyes....and then.....as he passed, we both reached out our hands and squeezed each other's as long as we could. He looked back to see if I was still there and watching, I was. That was a Friday.
Monday morning I made sure I had his new rock with me. I had intended to leave it on his desk for him.....but the day got away from me and I went home sick that I hadn't fulfilled my promise.
The following morning, without hesitation, I went directly to his room and asked permission to leave the rock on his desk. Promise fulfilled. I later learned that his eyes lit up when he saw it and he carried it in his pocket and talked about it all day!
Wednesday I went out to the playground when his class was out and my class was at gym. He gladly left his kick ball game to get a hug.
On Friday, I made a point to see him to reassure him that I would indeed see him on Monday, that he was coming back. I felt sick when Monday came and every time I was able to seek him out, he was not around. But, I did see him on Tuesday and we talked about missing each other on Monday...and laughed. I want him to feel safe that he will return and not be swept away, his world pulled out from under him, again.
This past Monday I received an email from his great grandmother that Joshua had a surprise for me and could they please come in before school one day. Of course. We settled for Thursday.
Thursday morning came and in they walked with a card, a piece of the most amazing chocolate/banana/almond cake, an antique red vase from Japan with a beautiful single white rose that bloomed throughout the day, which came from a rose bush that has been in their family since the early/mid 1800's.....and....a container of strawberries clean and ready to be shared!
Somehow they had found out that my birthday was on Friday and they wanted to do something for me.
His great grandmother wished me a happy birthday and then left Joshua with me for us to spend the morning together before the kids came in!!!
We played the Snail's Pace Race and Tic,Tac,Toe on the milk and cookies board taking turns being the cookies! We shared our strawberries and he sat on my lap to read a story. HE read to me!!!!
We spent our last few minutes talking about everything we used to do in our room. I was amazed he remembered so much....and wanted to talk to me about it.
And then we were off to our respective days.
A sadness remains in his eyes. His smile has not yet returned. But we will get there, together.
He knows I am there for him. Down the hall, maybe, but there!
As I stated at the beginning of this saga...as a teacher you hope for "just one" to know you made a difference.
Without a doubt, my entire career has been for THIS "just one".....but, more than me making a difference in his life....he has made a difference in mine.
*********
I had a dream that Joshua had grown into a tall handsome young man and was dressed in a cap and gown successfully graduating, giving me a hug, telling me that I mattered to him. I hope this dream comes true and I'll be able to watch him grow and remain a rock in his life, as he has become one in mine. Only Time knows....to be continued, of course.
Of course. I could only testify as to his academic progress and regress, but yes, I could testify. I let her know the dates that I would be out of the country.
And then I didn't hear from her again.....(summer ended, the school year started)....until a week and a half ago.
I received an email. With the PFA expired, Joshua's father had gone up to visit. The children were covered with bruises. He took both of them immediately to the police station where the children finally opened up about all the abuse they had been suffering at the hands of their mother and mother's girlfriend. An emergency PFA was placed on the mother and girlfriend. They are not even allowed to speak to the children. And Joshua's dad was going to be enrolling the kids back in school. Joshua would be in school the next day.
I didn't know if I should cry or jump for joy. I opted for both.
The next morning I was busy with my class. Joshua was now in first grade. All I could think of was how can I get down to his room to see him?
Finally it was lunch time. After dropping off my students I headed straight for his room. His class was about to get ready to go for lunch. He sat roughly eight feet from me. I was looking at his back.
His teacher and I caught eyes. All I was able to get out was, "Excuse me, I hope you don't mind...." without waiting for his teacher's permission he was up and in my arms seeking my reassurance as much as I was seeking his.
With his arms wrapped tightly around my neck he whispered into my ear that he still has the rock I gave him, but it is at his mother's house. I assured him I would get him another one. I whispered into his ear that I love him and glad that he is safe now. He had to get ready for lunch.
Later in the day I was walking my class back from their specials and noticed that his class would be coming in the door right in front of us....we could hurry and pass before they started to come in, or wait until they passed.....I guessed we could wait a little. :)
As his class filed through the door I watched and waited for him to realize I was there. Our eyes met. His smile has not yet returned, but he held my eyes....and then.....as he passed, we both reached out our hands and squeezed each other's as long as we could. He looked back to see if I was still there and watching, I was. That was a Friday.
Monday morning I made sure I had his new rock with me. I had intended to leave it on his desk for him.....but the day got away from me and I went home sick that I hadn't fulfilled my promise.
The following morning, without hesitation, I went directly to his room and asked permission to leave the rock on his desk. Promise fulfilled. I later learned that his eyes lit up when he saw it and he carried it in his pocket and talked about it all day!
Wednesday I went out to the playground when his class was out and my class was at gym. He gladly left his kick ball game to get a hug.
On Friday, I made a point to see him to reassure him that I would indeed see him on Monday, that he was coming back. I felt sick when Monday came and every time I was able to seek him out, he was not around. But, I did see him on Tuesday and we talked about missing each other on Monday...and laughed. I want him to feel safe that he will return and not be swept away, his world pulled out from under him, again.
This past Monday I received an email from his great grandmother that Joshua had a surprise for me and could they please come in before school one day. Of course. We settled for Thursday.
Thursday morning came and in they walked with a card, a piece of the most amazing chocolate/banana/almond cake, an antique red vase from Japan with a beautiful single white rose that bloomed throughout the day, which came from a rose bush that has been in their family since the early/mid 1800's.....and....a container of strawberries clean and ready to be shared!
Somehow they had found out that my birthday was on Friday and they wanted to do something for me.
His great grandmother wished me a happy birthday and then left Joshua with me for us to spend the morning together before the kids came in!!!
We played the Snail's Pace Race and Tic,Tac,Toe on the milk and cookies board taking turns being the cookies! We shared our strawberries and he sat on my lap to read a story. HE read to me!!!!
We spent our last few minutes talking about everything we used to do in our room. I was amazed he remembered so much....and wanted to talk to me about it.
And then we were off to our respective days.
A sadness remains in his eyes. His smile has not yet returned. But we will get there, together.
He knows I am there for him. Down the hall, maybe, but there!
As I stated at the beginning of this saga...as a teacher you hope for "just one" to know you made a difference.
Without a doubt, my entire career has been for THIS "just one".....but, more than me making a difference in his life....he has made a difference in mine.
*********
I had a dream that Joshua had grown into a tall handsome young man and was dressed in a cap and gown successfully graduating, giving me a hug, telling me that I mattered to him. I hope this dream comes true and I'll be able to watch him grow and remain a rock in his life, as he has become one in mine. Only Time knows....to be continued, of course.
The Story of Joshua (part two)
When Joshua came back to me that spring, it quickly became apparent that his reading and writing skills had regressed tremendously. It was almost as if he hadn't gone to school the entire time he was away. If he were to be passed on to first grade he would surely struggle. My advice, hold him back.
I spoke to his great grandmother about my concerns, who then spoke to his father. After a brief conversation with his father on the phone, having heard the words directly from me, he agreed knowing I would always have Joshua's best interest at heart.
A day later my principal asked if I would be willing to have Joshua in my class again the following year. The only way his father would hold him back was if he was placed with me. Again, of course. My principal stated that he knew the question was only a formality!
The school year ended with our final Brown Bag It where family members come in to have lunch with the kids and we put on a little show for them. Joshua's great grandmother and my mother were both in attendance. Joshua asked if he could take a picture with my mom and me. Once again, of course.
The following year I couldn't wait to start teaching! I was so excited about having Joshua again. I knew with the foundation he now had I could really take him far! He came in so eager to learn! Eager to be with me! He was in my top reading group almost from the get go!
Once again we were sharing snacks, giving hugs, saying, "I love you" and having the best year ever.
Thanksgiving was upon us and I took a few days off before the holiday to visit friends up in Michigan. While there I received an email that sank my heart and left me in tears.
It was from Joshua's great grandmother. Joshua's mother showed up in the school the day before Thanksgiving vacation was to begin. She claimed there was a death in the family and needed to take the children. Everyone knew she was lying. The school stalled as long as they could but the family could not be reached by phone, the necessary paperwork was not in his file and with no other choice the school had to turn the children over to their mother.
Once again, I didn't get to say, "good-bye"......worse, I was wracked with guilt for not being there the day she came to the school. Maybe it's best I wasn't because for sure, they'd be arresting me for not turning over the boy.
I couldn't get back to Pennsylvania fast enough. The first moment back I spoke with my principal. Our school had been notified that she was going to be enrolling them into a new school. She was angry that Joshua had been held back and was pushing to have him enrolled into first grade. Upon testing him, the new school refused and placed him in kindergarten.
My principal was going to call and speak with the new principal about what the real deal was with the mother, but she had gotten to the new principal before he was able. She gave the new principal a sob story and asked if the father would be able to come sign out the children like she had. They advised her and explained how to get a PFA against the dad!!!!
She lied to the judge telling him that Joshua wakes with nightmares about how his father had beat him and how he begs to not have to go with him. The judge granted a six month PFA. The father was only allowed supervised visits for two hours, every other week. He didn't even get that much. The mom didn't want Joshua around his great grandmother so she refused to bring him for visitation. His dad got to see him once around Christmas and again in February.
The PFA was not to end until the middle of June, so I knew any hope of getting my Joshua back was pointless.
Periodically I would get emails from his great grandmother asking me to pray for Joshua and his father. She told me that when she got to see him around Christmas she took photos along. Included was the picture of Joshua, my mother and me. She told me it was the first picture he asked if he could keep.
In early June I received another email from his great grandmother. They hadn't been able to see The kids since February, but the mom's girlfriend wanted the children to be able to visit and was willing to drive them down. They would be seeing them on Saturday. I asked her to please give him a hug from me and tell him that I love him. She asked if I wanted to stop over to see him and give him the hug myself.....of course!
She told me she was not going to tell Joshua and let it be a surprise...
I asked if it was alright with his father. I knew his dad was still very angry with the school for having turned him over. He did not understand, or want to accept, that legally they had too. She assured me it was fine.
Saturday came. The sun was shinijng hot and bright. I could hardly wait.
I drove my white pickup truck and parked near the barn about 20 yards from the farm house, Joshua and his sister were running around the yard. I could see his great grandmother walking across the meadow on the other side of the street coming towards the house.
When Joshua saw the pickup he came to a stop. He didn't recognize the truck. He kept looking and looking trying to identify who had arrived. I wasn't sure how he would react or feel about seeing me....it had been seven months.
I needn't have worried....The moment he realized it was me he shot off into a full out sprint headed in my direction. I knew better than to take another step and just braced myself. Joshua leapt into my arms with a full on smack!!!! His little arms and legs wrapped so tightly around me that there was scarcely room for air between us. Tears filled my eyes.
I carried him the twenty yards to the house. His great grandmother hugged "us" and said that she had seen him run. Joshua would not let go. After five minutes or more his great grandmother directed me to a bench where I could sit whilst still holding him.
As I sat there I noticed a heavy set boy around the age of twelve, buzz cut hair with tattoos all over his neck and wondered why on earth a parent would allow the boy to get tattoos at such a young age and such an obvious location. Turns out that was mom's new girlfriend.
Joshua finally climbed down off of me and wanted to show me everything! The chickens, his bed room, the garden, his bow......the down stairs. Unfortunately, that's where dad was apparently hiding out or sleeping and he did not want to be disturbed. Unaware that I was with Joshua he yelled at him to get outside.
I can understand his anger. I don't know any man that wouldn't be angry when his wife leaves him for another woman and basically kidnaps the children and issues a PFA against him. I think I'd have trouble being around the new girlfriend too.
Anyway, Joshua and I went back outside and sat on the bench. The girlfriend had finally walked away a bit and I had some time alone with Joshua. I pulled out a rock from my pocket. A piece of tiger's eye. The sun caught it and it glittered and sparkled as if it were pure gold. I handed it to Joshua who just sat mesmerized with it, rolling it in his fingers.
I told him that tiger's eye is a protective stone and brings out inner strength and that I wanted him to have it and hold on to it so that when ever he saw it he would know that I truly love him and want him safe and that I think about him all the time!
With that the girlfriend started to walk towards us and what happened as a result so took me aback that chills went down my spine and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.... Joshua heard her too and instantly shoved the rock into his pocket and said he was going to put it in there to keep it safe. The only way to discribe it was as if it were a knee jerk reaction, as if someone who has been hit repeatedly will automatically raise their arm to block the shot if someone else arbitrarily raises a hand around them. It disturbed me greatly. He was obviously afraid that it would be taken from him.
Once safely tucked into his pocket, Joshua asked me if I wanted to see the creek.....of course! I hadn't planned on tramping around the woods and creek with a six year old...but hey, I was game!
We got down to the water's edge where he started to skip rocks and play in the water. I just watched....pure joy. He started to play around with some more rocks in the water...washing dirt from them....examining them.... A bird whistled and took my attention away for a moment. When I looked back Joshua's little hand was outreached, wrapped around a newly washed rock. He said, "this is for you." my eyes swelled and silent tears caressed my cheeks. I accepted it in silence. He then held out another newly washed rock...this one a flat skipping rock and said, "you can have this one too, if you want it.". I answered, "of course I want it, they're beautiful."
Not only beautiful, but more precious than any diamond I've every owned....
We made our way back to the house by way of rock hopping down the creek and climbing through high grasses on the bank. There we once again sat on the bench visiting,chatting within view of the girlfriend.
Joshua's father came out. Everything became instantly uncomfortable. I did not know where the great grandmother was located. Apparently, I learned later that she was in the house cleaning strawberries for Joshua and I to share.
Not wanting to over stay my welcome, I told Joshua it was time for him to walk me to my truck that I needed to go. Reluctantly he stood up and took my hand.
When we got to the truck I asked him for a hug good-bye, but it was too late. His beautiful blue eyes had glassed over. He was shutting down his heart. I picked up and hugged his limp body for all it was worth. I whispered in his ear over and over again that I loved him.....but he was gone.
I got in my truck, pulled out the drive and cried all the way home.
(to be continued.....)
I spoke to his great grandmother about my concerns, who then spoke to his father. After a brief conversation with his father on the phone, having heard the words directly from me, he agreed knowing I would always have Joshua's best interest at heart.
A day later my principal asked if I would be willing to have Joshua in my class again the following year. The only way his father would hold him back was if he was placed with me. Again, of course. My principal stated that he knew the question was only a formality!
The school year ended with our final Brown Bag It where family members come in to have lunch with the kids and we put on a little show for them. Joshua's great grandmother and my mother were both in attendance. Joshua asked if he could take a picture with my mom and me. Once again, of course.
The following year I couldn't wait to start teaching! I was so excited about having Joshua again. I knew with the foundation he now had I could really take him far! He came in so eager to learn! Eager to be with me! He was in my top reading group almost from the get go!
Once again we were sharing snacks, giving hugs, saying, "I love you" and having the best year ever.
Thanksgiving was upon us and I took a few days off before the holiday to visit friends up in Michigan. While there I received an email that sank my heart and left me in tears.
It was from Joshua's great grandmother. Joshua's mother showed up in the school the day before Thanksgiving vacation was to begin. She claimed there was a death in the family and needed to take the children. Everyone knew she was lying. The school stalled as long as they could but the family could not be reached by phone, the necessary paperwork was not in his file and with no other choice the school had to turn the children over to their mother.
Once again, I didn't get to say, "good-bye"......worse, I was wracked with guilt for not being there the day she came to the school. Maybe it's best I wasn't because for sure, they'd be arresting me for not turning over the boy.
I couldn't get back to Pennsylvania fast enough. The first moment back I spoke with my principal. Our school had been notified that she was going to be enrolling them into a new school. She was angry that Joshua had been held back and was pushing to have him enrolled into first grade. Upon testing him, the new school refused and placed him in kindergarten.
My principal was going to call and speak with the new principal about what the real deal was with the mother, but she had gotten to the new principal before he was able. She gave the new principal a sob story and asked if the father would be able to come sign out the children like she had. They advised her and explained how to get a PFA against the dad!!!!
She lied to the judge telling him that Joshua wakes with nightmares about how his father had beat him and how he begs to not have to go with him. The judge granted a six month PFA. The father was only allowed supervised visits for two hours, every other week. He didn't even get that much. The mom didn't want Joshua around his great grandmother so she refused to bring him for visitation. His dad got to see him once around Christmas and again in February.
The PFA was not to end until the middle of June, so I knew any hope of getting my Joshua back was pointless.
Periodically I would get emails from his great grandmother asking me to pray for Joshua and his father. She told me that when she got to see him around Christmas she took photos along. Included was the picture of Joshua, my mother and me. She told me it was the first picture he asked if he could keep.
In early June I received another email from his great grandmother. They hadn't been able to see The kids since February, but the mom's girlfriend wanted the children to be able to visit and was willing to drive them down. They would be seeing them on Saturday. I asked her to please give him a hug from me and tell him that I love him. She asked if I wanted to stop over to see him and give him the hug myself.....of course!
She told me she was not going to tell Joshua and let it be a surprise...
I asked if it was alright with his father. I knew his dad was still very angry with the school for having turned him over. He did not understand, or want to accept, that legally they had too. She assured me it was fine.
Saturday came. The sun was shinijng hot and bright. I could hardly wait.
I drove my white pickup truck and parked near the barn about 20 yards from the farm house, Joshua and his sister were running around the yard. I could see his great grandmother walking across the meadow on the other side of the street coming towards the house.
When Joshua saw the pickup he came to a stop. He didn't recognize the truck. He kept looking and looking trying to identify who had arrived. I wasn't sure how he would react or feel about seeing me....it had been seven months.
I needn't have worried....The moment he realized it was me he shot off into a full out sprint headed in my direction. I knew better than to take another step and just braced myself. Joshua leapt into my arms with a full on smack!!!! His little arms and legs wrapped so tightly around me that there was scarcely room for air between us. Tears filled my eyes.
I carried him the twenty yards to the house. His great grandmother hugged "us" and said that she had seen him run. Joshua would not let go. After five minutes or more his great grandmother directed me to a bench where I could sit whilst still holding him.
As I sat there I noticed a heavy set boy around the age of twelve, buzz cut hair with tattoos all over his neck and wondered why on earth a parent would allow the boy to get tattoos at such a young age and such an obvious location. Turns out that was mom's new girlfriend.
Joshua finally climbed down off of me and wanted to show me everything! The chickens, his bed room, the garden, his bow......the down stairs. Unfortunately, that's where dad was apparently hiding out or sleeping and he did not want to be disturbed. Unaware that I was with Joshua he yelled at him to get outside.
I can understand his anger. I don't know any man that wouldn't be angry when his wife leaves him for another woman and basically kidnaps the children and issues a PFA against him. I think I'd have trouble being around the new girlfriend too.
Anyway, Joshua and I went back outside and sat on the bench. The girlfriend had finally walked away a bit and I had some time alone with Joshua. I pulled out a rock from my pocket. A piece of tiger's eye. The sun caught it and it glittered and sparkled as if it were pure gold. I handed it to Joshua who just sat mesmerized with it, rolling it in his fingers.
I told him that tiger's eye is a protective stone and brings out inner strength and that I wanted him to have it and hold on to it so that when ever he saw it he would know that I truly love him and want him safe and that I think about him all the time!
With that the girlfriend started to walk towards us and what happened as a result so took me aback that chills went down my spine and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.... Joshua heard her too and instantly shoved the rock into his pocket and said he was going to put it in there to keep it safe. The only way to discribe it was as if it were a knee jerk reaction, as if someone who has been hit repeatedly will automatically raise their arm to block the shot if someone else arbitrarily raises a hand around them. It disturbed me greatly. He was obviously afraid that it would be taken from him.
Once safely tucked into his pocket, Joshua asked me if I wanted to see the creek.....of course! I hadn't planned on tramping around the woods and creek with a six year old...but hey, I was game!
We got down to the water's edge where he started to skip rocks and play in the water. I just watched....pure joy. He started to play around with some more rocks in the water...washing dirt from them....examining them.... A bird whistled and took my attention away for a moment. When I looked back Joshua's little hand was outreached, wrapped around a newly washed rock. He said, "this is for you." my eyes swelled and silent tears caressed my cheeks. I accepted it in silence. He then held out another newly washed rock...this one a flat skipping rock and said, "you can have this one too, if you want it.". I answered, "of course I want it, they're beautiful."
Not only beautiful, but more precious than any diamond I've every owned....
We made our way back to the house by way of rock hopping down the creek and climbing through high grasses on the bank. There we once again sat on the bench visiting,chatting within view of the girlfriend.
Joshua's father came out. Everything became instantly uncomfortable. I did not know where the great grandmother was located. Apparently, I learned later that she was in the house cleaning strawberries for Joshua and I to share.
Not wanting to over stay my welcome, I told Joshua it was time for him to walk me to my truck that I needed to go. Reluctantly he stood up and took my hand.
When we got to the truck I asked him for a hug good-bye, but it was too late. His beautiful blue eyes had glassed over. He was shutting down his heart. I picked up and hugged his limp body for all it was worth. I whispered in his ear over and over again that I loved him.....but he was gone.
I got in my truck, pulled out the drive and cried all the way home.
(to be continued.....)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The Story of Joshua.....
Teaching is like throwing pebbles into a pond, one never knows just how far the ripples will go. As a teacher we hope to inspire....to make a difference...true difference in just one young life.
Sometimes you work your entire career without the knowledge of having made a difference...and sometimes you are gifted with the knowledge that you mattered...to just one. Joshua is my "just one."
For nearly a decade I had been teaching Life Science / Biology. It was my passion. I had worked so hard to obtain the certification and goal of teaching science, working through the ranks and patiently waiting for someone to retire. But I did it. I loved it. And I was good at it!
However, the District restructured and because I am multi-certified and the only person in the science department that was multi-certified, I was reassigned to teach Kindergarten.
To say that the reassignment was met with great angst would be an understatement.
My first day of Kindergarten was nothing short of chaos including a little blonde haired, blue eyed boy named Joshua, that seemed to have been raised under a rock and threatened to hit another little boy. My first day of Kindergarten and already I've got to take two boys to the principal's office!
I was struggling. I couldn't figure out why I felt so lost. Yet, every day I came to work and attempted to make a difference.
I didn't always know what to do. I really didn't know why I was there. Most of them seem to follow my confused lead, but Joshua seemed as though he had never even seen a pencil before. He didn't even know how to make it leave it's mark on a piece of paper. Day after day I guided him, hand over hand....seemingly getting nowhere.
Weeks passed and I finally realized why I, personally, was struggling so much. I was finally able to define my emotions....I felt as though I had been stripped of my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore. As a Biology teacher I knew who I was and was very proud of my accomplishments. When someone would ask what I did for a living, I was proud to say that I taught science. My response was met with admiration. When admitting that I now taught kindergarten, the comment would be met with snickers and questions like, "What did you do to get demoted?"
I knew I couldn't change anyone else's perceptions, but I knew I needed to change mine. So one afternoon, at the end of the day while sitting at my desk, instead of breaking down into tears I decided to make....or at least, start, a list. A list of reasons to come back the next day.
It started with simple things like the daily hugs, constant "I love you"s, and getting a child to stop crying. Each day I would force myself to come up with at least one good reason to come back. I can't really recall much of the list. It only ended up being about 20 things long. But I do remember the last thing I wrote on the list.
The last thing I wrote on the list was....Joshua wrote his name today, all by himself.
The shy little, blonde haired, blue eyed, frustrated, angry boy full of ,"I can't"s and "I don't know how"s, had written his name. The whole class cheered for him that day and my eyes welled with prideful tears....MY Joshua, wrote his name!
I didn't need to keep the list anymore after that day. I knew why I was there.
As days and weeks passed, the story of Joshua perplexed me. He was very well kempt. Always clean. Nice clothes. Healthy wonderful snacks of fresh strawberries, cherry tomatoes and grapes that he would come to insist on sharing with me daily. Strawberries became our thing. Yet, it was obvious no one had (or was) really spent time with him to read to him, teach him his letters or numbers. He was intellectually neglected. I came to learn that he was the child of teen parents now only in their very early 20's who were now separated and angry with each other. Turns out that Joshua was basically being raised by his great grandmother, with whom his father also lived.
It took time for Joshua to trust...and then one day he came and stood next to me as I was typing on my computer. With his head bowed, he barely whispered...."Miss Garvis...I really like you." The next day, head still down, he whispered again...."Miss Garvis, I really really like you. I really really do". I would reply, "I really like you, too."
Over a few short days, his head lifted, his eyes brightened and looking me right in the eyes as he stood in front of me he said, "Miss Garvis, I love you. I really really love you" and threw himself into my arms.
My heart was his.
And so it began...every morning I was greeted with a genuine hug and an "I love you" and "I love you"s all through the day. Oh, and of course, he always needed to share his snack with me.
Joshua learned quickly and by January was headed towards getting put into my top reading group. He just need someone to invest in his intellectual growth.
And then came a very sad Monday in February. Joshua didn't come to school. Nor did he on Tuesday. His great grandmother informed me that his mother had taken him for her weekend of visitation and refused to bring him and his older sister back. Mom, who was living with her girl friend and was constantly being evicted and thus moving for not paying rent wanted the benefit of having children to garnish monetary benefits from the state.
Different counties, different laws, dad unable to drive up to get the kids, mom refusing to let them come home, blah, blah, blah..... Joshua was gone. I never got to say good-bye.
It took me a long time to accept that he was not coming back. Our class learned to move on without his presence.
With only nine days left in the school year, my classroom phone rang. The secretary was calling to inform me that I was getting a new student. My response was, "You're kidding me! So late in the year?" but she soon stopped my verbal frustrations and told me it was Joshua, that he was back and wouldn't be starting until the next day, but wanted to know if he could come down and see me. Of course.
Figuring it'd be best if I met him out in the hall where we would be alone, I asked someone to cover my class. He was a good 50 feet up the hall when he saw me and broke into a run jumping into my arms wrapping his arms and legs around me, squeezing tight, and not letting go. Roughly five minutes passed until he finally pulled back with tears streaming down his cheeks.....Tears streaming down my cheeks.
The next day was a different story. He was back to the shy, scared, untrusting little boy I had met back in September. His world had been pulled out from under him and he was afraid to open his heart again, lest he be pulled away.
His great grandmother and I spoke about it and she stated that if anyone could get him back, I could. I had nine days.....he had regressed so very much academically....and socially he was just so scared....but I got him back,(and his beautiful carefree smile) at least emotionally....took me about five days.
On the last day of school while I was out to lunch his great grandmother had come and left a dozen red roses on my chair with a note that they were from Joshua. When the kids came back from lunch I thanked Joshua for the beautiful roses that were from him. I asked him if he knew he was getting them for me. He said, "Of course, that's what you do when you really love somebody."
(to be continued....)
Sometimes you work your entire career without the knowledge of having made a difference...and sometimes you are gifted with the knowledge that you mattered...to just one. Joshua is my "just one."
For nearly a decade I had been teaching Life Science / Biology. It was my passion. I had worked so hard to obtain the certification and goal of teaching science, working through the ranks and patiently waiting for someone to retire. But I did it. I loved it. And I was good at it!
However, the District restructured and because I am multi-certified and the only person in the science department that was multi-certified, I was reassigned to teach Kindergarten.
To say that the reassignment was met with great angst would be an understatement.
My first day of Kindergarten was nothing short of chaos including a little blonde haired, blue eyed boy named Joshua, that seemed to have been raised under a rock and threatened to hit another little boy. My first day of Kindergarten and already I've got to take two boys to the principal's office!
I was struggling. I couldn't figure out why I felt so lost. Yet, every day I came to work and attempted to make a difference.
I didn't always know what to do. I really didn't know why I was there. Most of them seem to follow my confused lead, but Joshua seemed as though he had never even seen a pencil before. He didn't even know how to make it leave it's mark on a piece of paper. Day after day I guided him, hand over hand....seemingly getting nowhere.
Weeks passed and I finally realized why I, personally, was struggling so much. I was finally able to define my emotions....I felt as though I had been stripped of my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore. As a Biology teacher I knew who I was and was very proud of my accomplishments. When someone would ask what I did for a living, I was proud to say that I taught science. My response was met with admiration. When admitting that I now taught kindergarten, the comment would be met with snickers and questions like, "What did you do to get demoted?"
I knew I couldn't change anyone else's perceptions, but I knew I needed to change mine. So one afternoon, at the end of the day while sitting at my desk, instead of breaking down into tears I decided to make....or at least, start, a list. A list of reasons to come back the next day.
It started with simple things like the daily hugs, constant "I love you"s, and getting a child to stop crying. Each day I would force myself to come up with at least one good reason to come back. I can't really recall much of the list. It only ended up being about 20 things long. But I do remember the last thing I wrote on the list.
The last thing I wrote on the list was....Joshua wrote his name today, all by himself.
The shy little, blonde haired, blue eyed, frustrated, angry boy full of ,"I can't"s and "I don't know how"s, had written his name. The whole class cheered for him that day and my eyes welled with prideful tears....MY Joshua, wrote his name!
I didn't need to keep the list anymore after that day. I knew why I was there.
As days and weeks passed, the story of Joshua perplexed me. He was very well kempt. Always clean. Nice clothes. Healthy wonderful snacks of fresh strawberries, cherry tomatoes and grapes that he would come to insist on sharing with me daily. Strawberries became our thing. Yet, it was obvious no one had (or was) really spent time with him to read to him, teach him his letters or numbers. He was intellectually neglected. I came to learn that he was the child of teen parents now only in their very early 20's who were now separated and angry with each other. Turns out that Joshua was basically being raised by his great grandmother, with whom his father also lived.
It took time for Joshua to trust...and then one day he came and stood next to me as I was typing on my computer. With his head bowed, he barely whispered...."Miss Garvis...I really like you." The next day, head still down, he whispered again...."Miss Garvis, I really really like you. I really really do". I would reply, "I really like you, too."
Over a few short days, his head lifted, his eyes brightened and looking me right in the eyes as he stood in front of me he said, "Miss Garvis, I love you. I really really love you" and threw himself into my arms.
My heart was his.
And so it began...every morning I was greeted with a genuine hug and an "I love you" and "I love you"s all through the day. Oh, and of course, he always needed to share his snack with me.
Joshua learned quickly and by January was headed towards getting put into my top reading group. He just need someone to invest in his intellectual growth.
And then came a very sad Monday in February. Joshua didn't come to school. Nor did he on Tuesday. His great grandmother informed me that his mother had taken him for her weekend of visitation and refused to bring him and his older sister back. Mom, who was living with her girl friend and was constantly being evicted and thus moving for not paying rent wanted the benefit of having children to garnish monetary benefits from the state.
Different counties, different laws, dad unable to drive up to get the kids, mom refusing to let them come home, blah, blah, blah..... Joshua was gone. I never got to say good-bye.
It took me a long time to accept that he was not coming back. Our class learned to move on without his presence.
With only nine days left in the school year, my classroom phone rang. The secretary was calling to inform me that I was getting a new student. My response was, "You're kidding me! So late in the year?" but she soon stopped my verbal frustrations and told me it was Joshua, that he was back and wouldn't be starting until the next day, but wanted to know if he could come down and see me. Of course.
Figuring it'd be best if I met him out in the hall where we would be alone, I asked someone to cover my class. He was a good 50 feet up the hall when he saw me and broke into a run jumping into my arms wrapping his arms and legs around me, squeezing tight, and not letting go. Roughly five minutes passed until he finally pulled back with tears streaming down his cheeks.....Tears streaming down my cheeks.
The next day was a different story. He was back to the shy, scared, untrusting little boy I had met back in September. His world had been pulled out from under him and he was afraid to open his heart again, lest he be pulled away.
His great grandmother and I spoke about it and she stated that if anyone could get him back, I could. I had nine days.....he had regressed so very much academically....and socially he was just so scared....but I got him back,(and his beautiful carefree smile) at least emotionally....took me about five days.
On the last day of school while I was out to lunch his great grandmother had come and left a dozen red roses on my chair with a note that they were from Joshua. When the kids came back from lunch I thanked Joshua for the beautiful roses that were from him. I asked him if he knew he was getting them for me. He said, "Of course, that's what you do when you really love somebody."
(to be continued....)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Expiration dates.....
I've just finished cleaning out my fridge and a few kitchen cabinets. If you are coming to visit and looking for food....don't bother!!! My motto....buy local, eat fresh!
A few of the cans that I pulled from the shelf had expiration dates of nine and a half YEARS ago!!!!! Obviously, it was time to throw that can out!!!
It got me thinking....wouldn't it be nice f relationships came with an expiration date? Upon each touch a date would magically appear on your wrist?
That way we wouldn't have to worry as much about being perfect and doing everything just right....you could accept or refuse the time granted. You would be able to love with wild abandon and know when to start distancing your heart as the expiration date neared.
It would work with friends, lovers, employers, family.....
I know that each and every relationship has an expiration date....I just wish I could see it.
A few of the cans that I pulled from the shelf had expiration dates of nine and a half YEARS ago!!!!! Obviously, it was time to throw that can out!!!
It got me thinking....wouldn't it be nice f relationships came with an expiration date? Upon each touch a date would magically appear on your wrist?
That way we wouldn't have to worry as much about being perfect and doing everything just right....you could accept or refuse the time granted. You would be able to love with wild abandon and know when to start distancing your heart as the expiration date neared.
It would work with friends, lovers, employers, family.....
I know that each and every relationship has an expiration date....I just wish I could see it.
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