I like to read.... and there is one book that I have read and re-read at least four times. No, it isn't some trashy romance novel, action packed thriller or blood sucking vampire story. But within its pages it holds the power to generate the greatest romance of all time... every day life.
The book is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. The copy I currently hold (not sure it was my first) was copyrighted in 1989. It possess the look of a book well read. And were you to turn a page or two you would noticed all the highlighted portions.
Mostly it speaks of being proactive and working towards being interdependent... a dream and goal I am ready and willing to achieve. But there is one section, barely more than a page, a little experience he shares that has stuck with me over the years. I refer to it as "Proactive Love" and do my best to love those in my life in this way.
He states....
"At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, "Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They're driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.
Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrifice for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured."
I do my best to live a proactive life. And I do my best to love those whom I've been blessed to have in my life... be it by sending care packages, baking brownies, cooking a favorite meal, building a book shelf, calling in the midst of the day just to say hello.... what ever I can DO. After all a verb is an action word... and I like to take action, be proactive... Love Proactively.
2 comments:
bravo, dragonfly, and well said. i've often said it's a choice to behave in a selfless way for the betterment of one to whom you are committed. ooshy gooshy feelings ebb and flow and can't be counted on.
Thank you Lime... I respect your opinion immensely.
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