Tis' the season.... almost

It's a start...

Good-bye's are the hardest thing of all...

Some say that preparing for everyone's arrival, getting the house cleaned, cooking all the food, cleaning up afterward... that this is the hard part.... I disagree....

Saying good-bye is the hardest part.... Watching the boy and his dog.... knowing that I will not see them again for weeks, maybe months... that is the hardest part... it leaves tears in my eyes long after they have gone.

The Face of Confusion....

It was bound to happen... eventually the two would have to meet. My greatest fear.... Abbey would mistake Shila for a groundhog. My greatest hope... it would be friends at first sight and they would romp and play until the sun set and they were made to come in to go to bed.

It was neither. Granted, I was very pleased that Abbey did not take one look at her, think... "chew toy", grab her, shake the life out of her and attempt to bury her before I could see what she was doing.

But I was hoping for a little more... It was simply hours of total confusion!!! Abbey simply kept trying to smell Shila attempting to figure out, "What the hell is this thing?"

Shila clung close to the side of her loving Daddy, eventually ran a bit with him, and.... smiled for the camera!!!!






Abbey is still confused... but the holidays are coming.... looks like she'll be getting another chance to figure it all out. Maybe Shila should take a bath before coming back!!!

Amethyst Insides....

This summer, on my way back from playing with the bears in MN I took the Northern route through Canada. We stopped at two different Amethyst mines and dug for gems. It was loads of fun. Benjamin and I would sift and dig through the dirt in hopes of locating a precious point or unique vein of colorful crystals.

It was also very educational. I learned how the amethyst "vugs" are formed. Basically, as a result of the earth being shaken to the core, the rocks crack leaving fissures behind. Then, with the right conditions and mineral saturated water... the fluids slowly work their way into the crevasses and replace the openings with beautiful crystals of varying colors that also once again strengthens the broken earth.



I brought home with me, several pieces, both large and small. I seem to admire these crystals daily as my mind takes a path of whimsy.

Over the years, on several occasions, my world has been shaken to its core. My heart broken, left exposed and gaping. I'd like to think... that with time... and the right conditions.... love will saturate the crevasses of my heart filling them with beautiful crystals and making it once again, strong. The heart, once broken made even more beautiful for the experience.

Lost Diamonds....

I've never been one much for fancy jewelry. I've never had the money to splurge on diamonds, nor have the men in my life... I didn't mind. But there was one thing I did always secretly wish for.... a pair of diamond stud earrings... nothing terribly big, just simple elegance, given out of love.

A few years ago, I got my wish. Not only was I given diamond stud earrings, they were presented at the conclusion of a surprise birthday party with both my family and his in attendance.

It was at the moment that I put the diamonds in my ears that I understood the phrase, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend." But it wasn't the crystals set in white gold that the phrase spoke of.... it was my best friend.... the man whom I was dating... he was my diamond, my best friend.... and the crystals in my ears represented that friendship. It was that connection that made the diamonds so special to me.

I wore the earrings every day since receiving them.... even after the friendship came to a hurtful conclusion. They remained a symbol of what is important and the possibilities, if one puts for the effort.

A few days ago, after getting out of the shower and looking in the mirror, I realized that I had lost one of the diamonds. It must have gotten caught when I was washing my hair and swept down the drain with the lather.

My head and heart sank. I felt sad and defeated.... one last connection to the future lost to the past. Some days I feel that no matter how diligent I am, I am traveling backwards yet forced to go forward.

It got me thinking...

I've lost several diamonds over the years... some see only lumps of coal... but when I can see the good and potential in a person's heart, even if others or they themselves can't... then that is a stone to cherish.

I am grateful for all the diamonds/coal that I've found along my path of life... they've added sparkle, warmth or both.

It's a girl!!!

My son Benjamin adopted a little girl yesterday. She was orphaned, left to roam the streets, and only somewhere between 2 and 3 years old.

She is so frightened, but already looks at him with pleading eyes and wants to follow him every where. As soon as he leaves the room she starts to cry. In him, she finds comfort, safety, warmth and love.... she is so shy and sweet. She doesn't smile.

Of course, as soon as I heard the news I had to run to Philly to see the new baby and bring blankets, toys, a baby gate to keep her safe and many other things he might not yet even realize that he is going to need.

He's going to have his hands full... it's not like he has gotten her right from the womb to nurture, love and mold... she is going to require special love and attention to help her erase those feelings and lessons of abandonment...

Her name is Shila... and already she has won over my heart...

Friday's Live on Oprah

Last Friday Chris Rock was on Oprah Live. Normally I don't give much thought or attention to Oprah, but boredom and exhaustion found me on the couch for a few minutes and the remote was within reach.

Oprah was discussing recent headlines with Chris Rock. The topic of David Letterman's infidelity surfaced. Chris, always with a joke at the ready did not find humor in the situation. Not only did he not make a joke, but he spoke words that I found rather profound and have been thinking about this entire week.

He said, "When you cheat on your wife, you're cheating on your children. You need to make home right."

This is so true. I made my home right 16 years ago. So often people stay for the sake of the children. I got out for their sake. I needed to fix my home and if I hadn't, it would have cheated them of their successful future.

I'm not saying that staying isn't sometimes the right choice... but whatever your choice.... you need to be in it's presence and give it your complete attention and commitment. Commitment, is a choice.

It's not always easy... however... Only if you are present can you be true to all those involved, including yourself... and most importantly, your children.