Entertaining....

Getting in the spirit....

To One and All....

Have a Bear-y Merry Christmas!!!!

The Joyful Sounds of the Season...

You have to admit... this one makes you smile... :)

December 6, 1976....

A few months prior, my Mom caved in and Daddy bought me a puppy. Oh how I promised to take care of that puppy... train it... walk it... feed it....

Well, she was a very good puppy, except that she liked to get into the trash. The evening of the 5th Daddy warned me that if she got into the trash one more time he was going to put HER into a garbage bag!!!

With that he tucked me in and kissed me good night.

The next morning I woke up and nothing felt right.... Daddy had already left for work... Mom was up and about.... I went downstairs to check on my puppy... and sure enough... there she sat... up to her neck in a white garbage bag with a red pull tie gently tied in a bow.

I took her out of the bag and held her.... but something else just wasn't right.

I asked my mother's permission to stay home from school. I just didn't feel well. Couldn't say why... but I knew something was wrong. She let me.

I went back to bed tossing restlessly... it was mid morning and for some reason I got up to look out the window. With that I watched as my mother pulled into the driveway. There was no reason to suspect... but I knew.... before anyone told me.... without a doubt in my heart... I knew that Daddy had died.

December 6, 1976.

Although it was 33 years ago... on this day... I am 14 and wake to the familiar silence all over again as if it were yesterday. Some wounds/aches, no amount of time can heal....

This year, the day was blessed with a coating of snow... as the sun rose it warmed and melted the ice, but not before I could admire the early morning rays glinting off the branches.... Daddy would have been pleased with this day... and proud that Abbey doesn't get into the trash... at least not often.

Let it snow...

When the boys were born and each year since, at Christmas I would buy them a keepsake ornament. The forethought was that upon their wedding day I would give them their box of ornaments so that they would have a part of home to start their new life with, their first Christmas together.

It's always been a fun and exciting time each year to see what their ornaments looked like. And as we decorated the tree together each year, they would un-box and unwrap their treasures to hang upon the tree... and when the time came... they would re-wrap and re-box their ornaments to await another year.

One by one the boys went off to college leaving less of us at home to decorate the tree... until it came down to only me.... and then last year Aaron got married and his ornaments went to be with him. (Boy, was that a much tougher gift to wrap than I anticipated)

So with the boys' permission I now get to decorate the tree the way I like.... and I love snow!!!!

So each year my tree is covered with all sorts of snowflakes, icicles and snowballs....

And yesterday.... as I began to decorate my tree.... it began to snow... a wonderful heavy, wet, coat everything, bring the world to a halt with a hush...kind of snow...
it was delightful.

Tis' the season.... almost

It's a start...

Good-bye's are the hardest thing of all...

Some say that preparing for everyone's arrival, getting the house cleaned, cooking all the food, cleaning up afterward... that this is the hard part.... I disagree....

Saying good-bye is the hardest part.... Watching the boy and his dog.... knowing that I will not see them again for weeks, maybe months... that is the hardest part... it leaves tears in my eyes long after they have gone.

The Face of Confusion....

It was bound to happen... eventually the two would have to meet. My greatest fear.... Abbey would mistake Shila for a groundhog. My greatest hope... it would be friends at first sight and they would romp and play until the sun set and they were made to come in to go to bed.

It was neither. Granted, I was very pleased that Abbey did not take one look at her, think... "chew toy", grab her, shake the life out of her and attempt to bury her before I could see what she was doing.

But I was hoping for a little more... It was simply hours of total confusion!!! Abbey simply kept trying to smell Shila attempting to figure out, "What the hell is this thing?"

Shila clung close to the side of her loving Daddy, eventually ran a bit with him, and.... smiled for the camera!!!!






Abbey is still confused... but the holidays are coming.... looks like she'll be getting another chance to figure it all out. Maybe Shila should take a bath before coming back!!!

Amethyst Insides....

This summer, on my way back from playing with the bears in MN I took the Northern route through Canada. We stopped at two different Amethyst mines and dug for gems. It was loads of fun. Benjamin and I would sift and dig through the dirt in hopes of locating a precious point or unique vein of colorful crystals.

It was also very educational. I learned how the amethyst "vugs" are formed. Basically, as a result of the earth being shaken to the core, the rocks crack leaving fissures behind. Then, with the right conditions and mineral saturated water... the fluids slowly work their way into the crevasses and replace the openings with beautiful crystals of varying colors that also once again strengthens the broken earth.



I brought home with me, several pieces, both large and small. I seem to admire these crystals daily as my mind takes a path of whimsy.

Over the years, on several occasions, my world has been shaken to its core. My heart broken, left exposed and gaping. I'd like to think... that with time... and the right conditions.... love will saturate the crevasses of my heart filling them with beautiful crystals and making it once again, strong. The heart, once broken made even more beautiful for the experience.

Lost Diamonds....

I've never been one much for fancy jewelry. I've never had the money to splurge on diamonds, nor have the men in my life... I didn't mind. But there was one thing I did always secretly wish for.... a pair of diamond stud earrings... nothing terribly big, just simple elegance, given out of love.

A few years ago, I got my wish. Not only was I given diamond stud earrings, they were presented at the conclusion of a surprise birthday party with both my family and his in attendance.

It was at the moment that I put the diamonds in my ears that I understood the phrase, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend." But it wasn't the crystals set in white gold that the phrase spoke of.... it was my best friend.... the man whom I was dating... he was my diamond, my best friend.... and the crystals in my ears represented that friendship. It was that connection that made the diamonds so special to me.

I wore the earrings every day since receiving them.... even after the friendship came to a hurtful conclusion. They remained a symbol of what is important and the possibilities, if one puts for the effort.

A few days ago, after getting out of the shower and looking in the mirror, I realized that I had lost one of the diamonds. It must have gotten caught when I was washing my hair and swept down the drain with the lather.

My head and heart sank. I felt sad and defeated.... one last connection to the future lost to the past. Some days I feel that no matter how diligent I am, I am traveling backwards yet forced to go forward.

It got me thinking...

I've lost several diamonds over the years... some see only lumps of coal... but when I can see the good and potential in a person's heart, even if others or they themselves can't... then that is a stone to cherish.

I am grateful for all the diamonds/coal that I've found along my path of life... they've added sparkle, warmth or both.

It's a girl!!!

My son Benjamin adopted a little girl yesterday. She was orphaned, left to roam the streets, and only somewhere between 2 and 3 years old.

She is so frightened, but already looks at him with pleading eyes and wants to follow him every where. As soon as he leaves the room she starts to cry. In him, she finds comfort, safety, warmth and love.... she is so shy and sweet. She doesn't smile.

Of course, as soon as I heard the news I had to run to Philly to see the new baby and bring blankets, toys, a baby gate to keep her safe and many other things he might not yet even realize that he is going to need.

He's going to have his hands full... it's not like he has gotten her right from the womb to nurture, love and mold... she is going to require special love and attention to help her erase those feelings and lessons of abandonment...

Her name is Shila... and already she has won over my heart...

Friday's Live on Oprah

Last Friday Chris Rock was on Oprah Live. Normally I don't give much thought or attention to Oprah, but boredom and exhaustion found me on the couch for a few minutes and the remote was within reach.

Oprah was discussing recent headlines with Chris Rock. The topic of David Letterman's infidelity surfaced. Chris, always with a joke at the ready did not find humor in the situation. Not only did he not make a joke, but he spoke words that I found rather profound and have been thinking about this entire week.

He said, "When you cheat on your wife, you're cheating on your children. You need to make home right."

This is so true. I made my home right 16 years ago. So often people stay for the sake of the children. I got out for their sake. I needed to fix my home and if I hadn't, it would have cheated them of their successful future.

I'm not saying that staying isn't sometimes the right choice... but whatever your choice.... you need to be in it's presence and give it your complete attention and commitment. Commitment, is a choice.

It's not always easy... however... Only if you are present can you be true to all those involved, including yourself... and most importantly, your children.

Snowflakes keep falling on my head....

What a delightful surprise... as I walked out of work the sensation of impending snow was unmistakable....by the time I got home the heavy wet flakes were falling like rain.




Abbey and I danced around, taking pictures, catching snowflakes on our tongues and getting covered with heavy wet flakes. I think Abbey got some in her eyes.... :)

Moses, Moses, Moses....

Wednesday, a week and a half ago Rat and I stayed out until after ten o'clock at night, working by porch light as the world grew pitch black and disappeared around us.

We completed the back deck, but I needed his help to set the posts out front. I had tried to do it on my own over the previous weekend, but those dang screws!!!! Whomever redesigned the 'composite to wood' screws figured that whoever uses them will never make a mistake.... will never make a design change or need to back them out to reconfigure a cut!!!! What should have taken 20 minutes to complete took both of us, with pry bars, numerous drill bits, hammers and vice grips more than an hour and a half to do!!

The crunch was on... I was heading out Friday morning to visit my son in NH, staying in Maine and I wanted it done!

I worked well into the dark again on Thursday, this time alone.... by the time I was finished....all that needed to be done was to set the final post in the step, attached the three small side rails and the three top rails...

"Shouldn't" take long at all.... Rat agreed to stop by on his way to work Friday morning so we could finish before I left. Seems like the designs I come up with... nothing is never easy. This time we started in the dark and worked well into the light of day. He let work know he would be a little late.

I had to leave for Maine. Rat needed to get to work. The three top hand rails would have to wait until I returned.

And so there was Maine.... stayed at the beach, enjoyed my son's and mother's company, ate the most amazing lobster (for breakfast and dinner), discovered blueberry lemonade, watched surfing seagulls, played with puppies, bought shrubs for around the new deck, took the kid shopping for clothes and food (what else does a college kid need?), got rained on, tried to stay up late to read, stayed up late to visit a friend, met the kid for Sunday breakfast and drove the seven plus hours home....










Monday night, came home from work, needed to buy some groceries, cook a few meals and drive them down to Philly (minimum 3 hour round trip). Son number two was having a week of exams and would have little time to eat let alone cook. I was pleased that I could help him.

Tuesday night I crashed and burned. I had every intent of getting out there and working. Even changed my clothes and went out to start. But the tenant came home with her beautiful 5 month old baby girl and I asked if I could play with her for a bit.... We walked to the pond to look at geese, sat on the swings for awhile, and I got to baby sit for a bit. It is amazing to see the world through her eyes as she just took it all in. I'm pretty sure I was in bed by 8.

Wednesday night while waiting for Rat to come over... I managed to get all the new shrubs and plants in... Once he arrived, we set right to work... save dinner for after the daylight left us... and it did... but we finished!!! Not only did we finish, but we ate dinner and celebrated with some black mead I had picked up in Wisconsin this summer (on my way to MN) Dang that stuff is wicked!!! Kicked both our tired arses!!!

Thursday night with the loving support of my wonderful mother, I pitched three cords of mulch.

Friday night I had errands to run as I had invited friends from work over to celebrate..but I still had work to do before they arrived.

Saturday morning.... get the house clean, make the burgers, do the laundry, prep the food, get the glasses cleaned, power wash the decks..... AND... shovel a ton (literally) of river rocks and wash them!!! But I got it all done with time to spare and we had a marvelous time celebrating the completion of the decks!!
















It is an amazing feeling to have totally completed the projects!!!

I've dotted the i's and crossed the t's....

So, let it be written.... So, let it be done.
Mouse, Mouse, Mouse.....

Only a number....

So it is said that a birthday is only a number... well... Today, I agree it's all about how you look at those numbers....

One incredible sunrise....



Two magical visits....

Three precious calls from my boys...

Four thoughtful text messages....

One entertaining video message....

Twelve beautiful red roses....


Eight well wishes via e-mail...

Four cards via snail mail...

One decedent glass of wine...

Two handfuls of dark chocolate peanut m&m's...

One loving hug and kiss from my mom...

Forty-seven trips around the sun...

Minus three minutes....

With each passing day, we lose three minutes of daylight.... this has been most frustrating as of late as I try to finish the two decks.

What we thought would only take a few more nights to complete has stretched out into weeks. The final touches are filled with complicated and challenging miter cuts... some compound which slows the process.

Along with the limited daylight has also come a lot of rain.

The other night, just when I felt overwhelmed with yet another storm approaching, threatening to cut our night of work short yet again... there is was... an incredible, full, double rainbow arching across my backyard!!! It was incredible. And for the five or so minutes that it lasted... all work stopped... minus the three minutes or not... besides... on came the rain and once again work was halted. But this time, it just didn't seem to matter.


.





Since that night... the last of the front deck has been burned....



The back steps, lattice and fascia all completed... nothing but the top rail to put on...




Out front... The steps were removed, lattice power washed and reinforced, deck planks laid, new fascia attached... news steps and rails are all that remains....





Minus three minutes every day or not.... it will get done... it might take a little longer than hoped... but it will get done.

I Can Only Imagine...

I recently drove to NH to deliver various things to my children living up North. On the way home the song "I can only imagine" came on the radio. I had never heard it before, but it certainly has caught my attention.



With no one to talk to, it gave me plenty to ponder.

When I got home I shared the song and my thoughts on wondering how I would react with my mom... Without hesitation she spread her arms wide imitating a child requesting a hug and said, "Daddy"!

She's so right... that's what I would want the moment I cross over. I believe our "heavens" are as unique and individual as each of us. Much like in the Robin Williams movie "What Dreams May Come" Excellent film.



But now my non-traditional ways of thinking are conflicted with my traditional upbringing.... Do you think God would be offended if I wanted to see my Daddy before meeting him? Or perhaps, my God, knowing my heart, would send Daddy to the gate to wait for me... I can't believe God would hold this desire against me... I guess... I can only imagine...

Pergola and Porch Progress... or the lack thereof.

Mouse has been busy delivering children to various far off locations so that they might improve their minds. Rat seems to have been poisoned by a bad deli hoagie and not been feeling well at all. And on top of it... the weather has not been cooperating!! It's either been unbearably hot or raining cats and dogs... mice and rats don't like cats and dogs!!!

But before the chaos hit, Mouse was able to power wash and sand the old stain from the remaining wood, prep the area for laying the new planks and cut the 4'x 8'pressure treated plywood into 5 1/4" strips to lay under the composite decking to bring it up to the proper height.

Hopefully Rat will feel up to working with Mouse sometime soon and we'll get this project done!!!

Mouse with hammer strikes again....

It's just as easy to cut railing for one deck as it is for two.... so with Rat's blessing... the front deck is also getting a face lift!

Before...


After...



For the future...